“The man who has no imagination has no wings.” — Muhammad Ali
As we look at the world we take in information through our five senses. From the time we are born we see, hear, smell, taste and touch to gain an understanding of our surroundings. While all animals also have five senses, we as humans are able to do something special with the information we receive. Through evolution, we have developed a part of our brain which allows us to process information and not just react to our situation, but to actually imagine what could happen and make choices. To take information in through our five senses gives us knowledge, but that knowledge is limited without an imagination to see the hidden possibilities. Albert Einstein said, “The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.” This is powerful! As a former teacher I know that we focus a lot of time in schools drilling knowledge into our children. There is a set curriculum and standards that children are expected to meet. We give them tests to make sure that they have adequate knowledge. Since the scores on those tests are important to the district a large portion of time is spent making sure the kids are prepared with enough knowledge to pass. When do we ever test for imagination? When kids daydream they are scolded and told to focus on the knowledge that is being presented. While there are a few classes like art and music where kids are encouraged to use their imagination, the time is limited. When we think about everything that has been created in the world, it was first a thought in someone’s imagination before it became a thing. Edison imagined creating a system of illumination before the light bulb was invented. Walt Disney imagined a mouse before a cartoon was developed. The inventors of the chair, fork, toothbrush and every other item we use first had a thought and imagined it before they set out to create it. We are at a critical point in our human history. There are problems we are facing which knowledge cannot solve. What we need now is imagination. Many people think they don’t have a good imagination, but they do just fine at imagining everything that can go wrong. What would happen if we all took some time to imagine what could go right–to imagine a world we would love to live in? What if we imagined political parties and countries working together and solving problems that once seemed impossible? What if we imagine solutions for energy, the economy, education and violence? What kind of world could we create if we all imagine a world of peace? Maybe it is time to find out….
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“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” — Meister Eckhart
What does it truly mean to say ‘thank you?’ We say thank you so often that it becomes an almost automatic reaction. Much like the casual ‘how are you doing?’ we throw around, but never really intend to find out how the other person actually is doing. We may say the words thank you frequently, but how many times do we truly feel the gratitude that is intended to go with the words? There are three different types of gratitude. First, there is gratitude for what has already happened. This is the gratitude we feel when we passed a test or found our soul mate or recognized the kindness someone has shown. It is a powerful practice to take time in the evening to reflect and write a list of things to be grateful for. For several years I kept a gratitude journal and each night before going to bed I listed at least three things I was grateful for that day. The practice made me more aware throughout the day as I was constantly on the lookout for things to be grateful for that I could add to my list. When we say thank you for what we have been given or what we have experienced, that is past gratitude. The second type of gratitude is future gratitude. This is where we give thanks for the blessings that are awaiting us. Giving thanks in advance is one of the things Jesus demonstrated. Before healing or performing any of his miracles, he always looked up and thanked God. He always did this before he took any action. While it is easy to give thanks in advance for the meal that we are preparing to eat when we see it on the table in front of us, it is not as easy to be grateful for things we have yet to see. Giving prayers of future gratitude for the new job opportunity or the perfect home in the perfect location when it doesn’t seem to be a reality at the moment is not easy. Being able to use the power of imagination to envision whatever it is we want to be thankful for when it hasn’t yet come into reality is sometimes a stretch, but getting on the vibration of the gratitude shifts our perception. The third kind of gratitude is present moment gratitude. Right now take a deep breath and then feel grateful for the breath that enters your body. Thank your heart for pumping, your eyes for reading this your body for giving you the gift of life. Then be quiet and feel the sensation of gratitude. We truly have a choice in this present moment, despite what circumstances may be swirling around us, to be grateful. As Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Gratitude wakes us up to the miracles that we so often miss in our daily lives. THANK YOU! Why does bad stuff always happen to me? What makes it difficult to move beyond our circumstances10/7/2016 “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” ― Wayne W. Dyer
There is no denying that some people are given extremely difficult circumstances in life. Some of the challenges that people face are excruciatingly painful just to hear about and I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to live in their shoes. So why is it that some people seem to get through difficult circumstances with strength and courage while others seem to crumble and get stuck? I remember watching news footage after a tornado went through a western town. The news reporter talked to a couple that was standing in front of where their house once stood and they were sobbing as they told the reporter that they lost everything. It was heart wrenching to watch. The reporter then went across the street where another couple stood looking at the debris that was once their house. That couple told the reporter that they were so grateful to be alive. They said they lost the material things, but their whole family was safe and they were just grateful that they had each other and could rebuild the house. Here were two couples looking at exactly the same circumstance, yet they both had very different experiences. The only thing that was different between these two couples was their perception of what happened. One couple was stuck in the negative, while the other was able to look at the positive. It seems so cliché to say that it is important to see life with the glass half full. We have all heard that advice a thousand times, yet what makes it so difficult for us to do it? There has been an abundance of brain research in the recent decades which has given us some clues to figuring out why it is easier to see the glass as half empty and harder to see it as half full. Rick Hanson wrote a book called Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence. In this book he explains how evolutionarily our brains have gotten upgrades, but the reptilian brain, which is on the lookout for danger is still functioning well. He says that our brains are like Velcro for negative and Teflon for positive. In studies they have found that it takes significantly less time for the brain to register a negative event then it does a positive event. We have a built in negativity bias that we have to overcome. What Dr. Hanson suggests is that we have to consciously soak in positive events for the brain to register them. So, the next time you see a rainbow or a sunset or your child smile take a few seconds and allow the brain to soak it in. The more we take the time to form the neural pathways for happiness the easier it becomes. So, why does bad stuff always happen to some people? While I don’t want to deny the fact that some circumstances are extremely difficult, what separates the people who get stuck and those who rise strong has much more to do with their perception of the problem then with what actually happened. So take some time to build the brain wiring for positive and see if it shifts how you see the proverbial glass of water. “It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
One of my favorite things to do each year is to look back through my children’s annual photos. It always amazes me to see how they have grown and changed from year to year. It brings back memories to look at them when they were younger and to see how they continue to grow and develop. It is easy to see the physical changes that occur, but the changes in who they are becoming is what is fascinating. We are not static creatures. Every day we grow and change. We are continually evolving and we have opportunities each day to expand and challenge ourselves. Mary Morrissey has said that some people truly live 99 years, while others live one year 99 times. As I work with my clients I often ask them how long they have been repeating the same patterns. Many of them are able to recognize that although the characters or the places may be different, they are in the same interactions over and over again, having the same arguments, having the same fights. When I ask about them, at first they often blame the people around them. It is all of their bosses who treat them unfairly or it is a string of significant others who just don’t do their share of the work in the relationship. As we go through their list of the other people who are all to blame, many of them are able to begin to recognize that they are the one who has the issue. I feel that we all have things we are meant to learn and experience during our short time on this planet. For some, we have to master patience, so life will give us ample opportunities to practice patience until we are able to develop that skill. For others it may be compassion, so we are given opportunities over and over again to work on our compassion skills. Whatever it is we are meant to develop, whether it be forgiveness, hope, self-discipline or positivity, we will be given people and experiences in order to hone and develop those skills that we most need to work on. When we are struggling to get along with someone, we can look at the other person as an angel in disguise. Instead of being here just to annoy us, they are here to help us grow and practice what we are meant to experience. Nelson Mandela has said that the person who was sent to prison would have never been able to be president of his country. He had to grow and change through his experiences in order to develop the gifts he was meant to share with the world. It is through our interactions with difficult people or going through challenging life events that we are able to stretch our comfort zone and grow into a new person. Buckle up, it is time to evolve! “Honestly, I’m not a big person in terms of religion, but I really believe in nature. I feel like anytime you see anything beautiful in nature that’s the closest I’m ever going to get to God or a sense of a higher power.” -Sara Rue
Working in the addictions field leads to many discussions about spirituality with my clients. The Twelve Step model is based on opening up to a higher power and while there are some clients that this resonates well with, others struggle to understand what a higher power means to them. They often note that even though a broad definition of higher power is encouraged and that definition can include anything outside of themselves, they struggle to see how something like a tree or someone they admire or even the group itself can be a higher power for them. To understand this is to go back to the cage example I discussed last week. We have an authentic self that sometimes gets locked in a cage by our ego. When the cage door is open and the authentic self is able to connect, that to me is spirituality. Moments of deep connection, whether it be in nature, when looking into a baby’s eyes, during quiet meditation or a moment of deep intimacy with another person are among the most spiritual experiences we can have. We can interact with nature or a baby, but if the cage door is closed we lose our ability to truly connect. This is a significant point. When I come home from a busy day at work and my son is talking to me there are times when I hear the words he is saying and I respond, yet my mind is still busy thinking about the comment a co-worker made or something that happened. Although we are talking and communicating, there is minimal connection. When I become fully present and listen openly to what he is sharing there is a significant difference in the interaction. There is a deepening in the moment and the connection can be felt. This is a spiritual moment. Sometimes we aren’t able to recognize that our cage is shut, we think it is open, but yet become frustrated, feeling isolated and misunderstood. That is a good indication that we are in the cage of the ego. Opening the door of connection between our authentic self and anything else is a spiritual experience. We can feel the difference in the quality of the connection when we touch in to the authentic level. This is sometimes defined as a spark or a deep knowing or even a sense of peace and calm. Although it is hard to describe in words, it is a connection that is felt and sensed. Due to prior experiences, the ego may not open the cage door very wide or even to other people, so for some people developing a sense of connection with nature or pets can feel safer. When someone finds that they can be calm and peaceful when sitting in nature, that becomes their higher power. They have found a place where they are able to connect with their authentic self. The more we are able to experience deep connection and go into the authentic self, the more we are able to expand that connection to include other places, people and the world around us. As our connection with our higher power opens the door to our authentic self, we become healthier. We all have a higher power, so take some time to connect with yours today! “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” Anais Nin
I was working with a client today who had been doing very well in treatment and had abstained from using for over a month, but just a few nights ago she wasn’t feel well and other people in her home were smoking marijuana, so she decided to join them. When she met with me she was embarrassed as she admitted to what she had done. She verbally beat herself up for a few minutes and discussed how she was weak and it smelled so good, but then said, ‘You know what, I didn’t screw things up forever, I just need to walk away next time!’ There was a definite shift in her energy in that moment and we talked about how she suddenly took on a different perspective. It is very easy to take on a negative perspective. Society seems to reinforce it for the most part, just watch the news for a few minutes. When we talk about how bad something is or what went wrong everyone seems to jump in and share their version of why. While it is sometimes helpful to explore what went wrong in order to correct it for the future, we tend to hang out in what went wrong for much longer then necessary. I often use the analogy of how seeing things from a negative perspective is like being stuck in the basement of a skyscraper. It is pretty dark and closed in. If we are able to pull ourselves up to the first or second floor at least there is some light, but there is still not much to see. When we rise up to the 30th floor the view is spectacular and breathtaking. We see things we could never have seen from the lower floors. Now, according to the GPS we are in the exact same location. It is only our perspective that has changed. When I talk to clients I discuss how some of their thinking is basement thinking. They are beating themselves up for the past mistakes and not allowing the light to even get close to them. When I was working with my client today nothing changed in the circumstances of her life from the time she started talking with me to the time she left, but her perspective about what happened completely changed. When we operate from a negative perspective we feel drained and worn down, like the world is conspiring against us. It isn’t easy to change our perspective, but by opening ourselves up to inquire what we can learn from this situation we can begin to climb up a few flights of stairs. How different would this situation look if you were just one floor higher? “Is there anything better than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach?” Greta Garbo
Last week I discussed how to create a vision that is clear enough to create a longing for change. That is definitely the first step, but just creating the vision isn’t always enough to stay with it long enough for the change to occur. There is often a voice that rises up when we think about this wonderful life we would love living that says things like, ‘Who do you think you are?’ or ‘You’re too old’ or ‘You’re not good enough’ or ‘That will take forever’ or any of the hundreds of other variations on the voice of doubt. We all have the voice of doubt, but we don’t all give it our power. I believe that how much weight we put on the voice of doubt compared to the longing of our dream is proportional to the amount of self-worth we feel. The more worthy we feel we are of our longings the easier it is to dismiss the voice of doubt. I envision the voice of doubt to be like the dark. We can get angry with the dark or try to fight the dark or yell at the dark all we want and it will not go away. All we need to do is turn on the light. The light is love for ourselves. When we are able to give ourselves the compassion, grace and understanding that we freely give to others we begin to see ourselves differently. Our sense of worthiness for the longing we desire begins to increase. While it sounds so simple to just give yourself more love, it is something that many of us struggle with. I wish there was just one thing that we could all learn to do that would increase a sense of self-worth and decrease the self-doubt. There isn’t, but the good news is that there are thousands of ways that it can be done. We can change our thoughts, our behaviors or our emotions. We can go into nature to connect, get quiet with prayer or meditation or involve ourselves in a hobby. We can paint, journal or play music to touch the authentic part of ourselves that is whole, perfect and well. There are hundreds of self-help books written on this topic and each one is a way that someone has found helpful in order to cultivate self-love. It doesn’t matter how it is done, but what does matter is that you take time to convince yourself that you can do it. Don’t let the voice of doubt be the leader anymore, give it a good push and ask yourself what you could do to increase your sense of self-worth. The authentic you knows what needs to be done and it will give you signals if you listen to them. If what you try feels right do it more- if it doesn’t, try something else. You know what you need in order to increase your self-love. It comes from the same place as the vision does. So listen to your authentic self- you are your own best teacher and the only one that will know what works for you. Inspiration is wonderful. It wakes us up to things that we never took notice to before or never thought we would do. When we get inspired there is a powerful surge of energy that takes over and for a moment we expand… then our thinking brain regains control and many times will start to list all the reasons why that idea would never work, why we don’t have what we need in order to do it or it explains that it has all been done before. It usually doesn’t take long for us to begin the process of talking ourselves out of an idea of inspiration. For those ideas that survive our initial attack, sharing them with someone else is often where we are talked back into “reason.”
Inspiration is spirit’s gift, but our doubts and insecurities kill many of the dreams before they get a chance to grow. Inspiration is like a thought seed that is planted in fertile ground. It needs protection and nurturing in order to grow. It also takes time. In working with clients I find that many of them give up before they get the gift. They try something they felt inspired to do and are then crushed when they ‘fail’ or if the results were not what they were expecting. Our power of will is an amazing tool. When we understand that, as Albert Einstein said, “failure is success in progress,” we are able to give ourselves the grace to ask what we learned from the experience and what we have yet to learn. I often use the analogy of the caterpillar with clients. Taking action on inspiration is like going into the chrysalis. Everything has to get broken down and rearranged in there. It is quite messy and not a pretty sight inside, but stay with it. Out of the chaos an entirely new creation is emerging. You have been inspired for a reason. Many clients discuss how their current circumstances aren’t what they want to be living in for the rest of their lives. They may even be able to identify some goals that they have or dreams for the life they would love to be living. But, then there is the big disconnect. The space between the idea and actually taking action to do something different. There is a lot of fear of the unknown and all kinds of excuses come up for why they didn’t take the action steps they committed to weeks before. Many clients can tell you why they didn’t take the steps, all the reasons why now wasn’t the right time, or how they got distracted with other more pressing issues. There are always plenty of reasons why they weren’t able to do what they said they would do. Many of these reasons are perfectly legitimate, but what very few clients discuss is the why behind why they didn’t take the action steps. They don’t go into how difficult, scary or vulnerable it makes them feel to step out of their comfort zone and into a new behavior. Taking action is having faith that we will be able to get what we say we desire. There is a saying that in order to walk on water we need to first get out of the boat. Many of us cling to the boat for dear life. It may be miserable on the boat, but at least it is predictable. I know what to expect if I live another day on the boat. Of course it is terrifying to take action, but as Mary Morrisey says, “Inspiration, without action, is merely entertainment. ACT on your inspiration today!” Convincing a client that they can do what they say they want to do is not easy work. It takes time to dive into the subconscious mind that holds the belief that they can’t. Taking time to explore the fear and creating empowerment by encouraging even small steps in the direction of the dream become the one degree change in the course of life that leads to a completely different destination.
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