“Marriage is an extremely difficult relationship.”–Lee Radziwill
Being in a relationship is difficult work. Whenever two completely unique individuals choose to spend a significant amount of time together, conflict is bound to occur. We all see the world through our own lens and it is often difficult to remember that others don’t see it the way we do. As I work with couples, one of the things I listen for is what is called the ‘Four Horseman of the Apocalypse.’ Dr. John Gottman has done a significant amount of research with couples and he has been able to identify four behaviors that accurately predict divorce. When couples are entrenched in these four behaviors a significant amount of time, there is an 80-90% chance that the couple will get a divorce. While it is normal for healthy couples to display these behaviors from time to time, if these behaviors are becoming routine ways of communicating, trouble is looming.
—This post is based on the book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman, Ph.D.